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| Have I told him yet? No. Am I going to tell him soon? Well some people think I should and some people would like to do it for me, but I'm still not sure. I mean, we all remember last time right? All the drama and the heartache and the blah blah blah. Worst of all..the being pushed away part. That's the last thing I want to happen. I'm scared of falling this fast. It scares me that I feel so much of a connection to him.
Donnie took me Jade and Cody to the beach this weekend. We spent two nights there. And with only two beds, we can just guess who slept with who. It terrifies me that I haven't ever slept as well my whole life as I did for those two nights I slept next to him. I loved waking up next to him.
I love that I'm comfortable with him, but he still makes me giddy and shaky. I love when he stands to close to me that I can feel the warmth from him, but I hate it at the same time. I love laying in bed with him while he scratches my head and plays with my hair. My head is spinning in so many directions. I'm so confused. I have no clue what to do.
I'm falling hopelessly and helplessly........... | | |
| He's home. When I heard they were in North Carolina my heart started to pound. I'm so completely happy that he's finally home. It still scares me, because these feelings came at me so fast. Jade and Charles are right though, I really should let him know how I feel. Lol and I'll probably tell him the exact truth, he scares the hell out of me.
My heart literally feels like it's smiling. I haven't been this happy since he left. And that scares the hell out of me too. But who cares, because, I'm smiling again. And I feel like I'm living again. | | |
| It's been such a bad week. I'm not exactly sure why, but I think I have a pretty good idea. I've just been so emotional lately. I cry at almost anything, I get pissed at pretty much everything, and I'm just so agitated. I don't know what to do anymore. I could try to stay away and give myself some distance, but that's kind of hard to do considering he's only maybe 3 blocks away.
What are you supposed to do when you feel this strong for someone but they just can't seem to get over their ex? Do you give them more time and wait it out or do you just give it up and move on?
I'm so lost and so confused.....but one thing is for sure. I really just want him to come home.
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| It's been such a good week. Jade is here now. She's been here for a few days now. We've been having the time of our lives. I just feel so comfortable with her, like we've been this close forever. It's so much fun having her around. We joke around, do each others hair, go shopping, play tennis. It's just awesome. I'm so glad she's moving down here.
We went to go look at the inside of the house yesterday. It is so nice. We took some pictures so we could send them back for Missi and the girls to see and they just fell in love with it. They should be moved in by the end of July or somewhere close to that. Hopefully they'll all be here, but I'm not sure. We may be minus one for a little bit longer. There's an older picture of him and Jade's boyfriend from their graduation hanging on my mirror...and I like it there...but having him here would be better
Jade is engaged to a guy named Donnie. He's a really nice guy and I like him. He's in the military and is stationed close to here. Which is awesome, because he gets to come and visit after work and on weekends and Jade is really happy about that. She asked me to be her bridesmaid the other day. I felt honored that she asked, considering this is the first we've actually spent any time together
I am so excited about them moving down here. Now it's like part of our family will be here with us! Missi wants to do cookouts every weekend. I think that would be fun. I can't wait!!
I got an IM from Nick last night. I was really surprised to hear from him. I wasn't sure what I was going to do about it, like whether or not I was going to respond or not, but I thought about it and decided that if we could be friends, then I was going to go for it. I would really like to put the past in the past and keep it there. Which I know is a lot to want, because it always has a way of coming back. But if we can be friends again, then I think that would be great. You can never have to many friends who you feel you can count on.
Mom and Jade went to buy some furniture today to start putting in the new house. We're all ready for this move to happen. I think it's going to be great for everyone.
I hope he gets out soon....I want to see him.... | | |
| July. July is an important month for me. It's my birthday month, my brother's birthday month, and a few others. Its also my gradparents' anniversary month. Plus, it's right in the middle of summer. I love it.
It seems to have a bigger meaning this year. This year, I'll get to see what my life has in store for me. I apply to App. this July. I am so excited about that. Just ready to go, get away from this town and start a new chapter of my life in the moutains with some of the people I love the most in this world.
I found out tonight that he is supposed to get out this July also. I have so many emotions running through me about that. I'm happy, excited, scared and worried. I think coming down here will be good for him. I never actually realized how beautiful this place is until I compare it to other places. It's not so harsh down here. But I'm also worried. His mom said that he seems to be angry now....wanting revenge. I can understand him being angry. Although no one forced him to do what he did, I can understand anger. I just hope he can give up this thought of revenge.
His sister is coming down tomorrow to stay with us for a while. I'm excited about that too. I don't know her too well but I'm hoping I can change that. She's so refreshing to me. She's not like a lot of the people here. She says what she means, and she'll say it to your face. She's younger than I am, but age doesn't matter, not when there can be a REAL friendship there. We're not sure how long she's going to stay. She might just stay here until the rest of the family moves here. I'm so excited!!!!
It's like I can just feel a change coming in my life. It's coming a whole lot sooner than I thought, but I'm ready for it. I won't back down... | | |
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